Caring

Ann and I care for our two elderly mothers, who live here with us. Evelyn, Ann's mum, has been with us for four years (and two house moves), following a stroke, a bereavement and a fall and broken hip, while my mum, Maisie, came to live with us on our move to our present home just under two years ago. It is quite a commitment, but one we gladly make, along with many people who are, like us, of pensionable age but caring for parents or other elderly relatives. Many of them I came to know well during my years in parish ministry, and sometimes they found little support, help or understanding for what they did.

We have been on the whole pleasantly surprised at the amount of help that is available, once the right contacts have been established. That last clause is carefully and deliberately added, because I suspect there are many people who slip below the radar and are just not known about. We have carers who come in twice a day to help my mum, and to give Ann and me the opportunity to do other things; my mum needs quite a lot of practical support, and we're able to get her up and put her to bed, but it does help to have other people here during the day - someone else to talk to and have a cup of coffee with, too, from Maisie's point of view.  District nurses look in regularly, equipment of all kinds has been provided, and we have a social worker through whom we can access other support if needed. We do have to pay for the carers, but a grant from Social Services defrays about half of that; we had to pay to have one bathroom converted into a wet room and therefore made more accessible, but we had help in accessing good contractors, producing a design for the new room and making sure the work was done to the best standards.

Maisie was in a nursing home while that work was done, and, while she was treated kindly there so far as we can tell, sometimes it felt rather haphazard, and we had the impression that communication was poor. She had lost a degree of mobility by the time she came home, and, without prompt action by occupational therapists and the equipment they provided, I am not sure we would have coped with her return home.

During my time in active ministry, like most ministers I regularly visited care homes to take communion services, visit residents and do things like harvest festivals, carol services and little concerts. I have a huge respect for the work they do and the people who do that work, though well aware of the horror stories that have received publicity nationally in recent months. But many very elderly and very infirm people remain in the community, some in sheltered or specially adapted accommodation, but many not. A lot of carers are themselves just as old as the person being cared for - they are spouses or perhaps brother or sister. I think the degree to which a society cares for its carers is one of the best measurements of its overall health. Ann and I are glad to do what we do, and regard it as a privilege, to be able to return in this way some of the care we've received over so many years. We're not saints, and sometimes we get tired, worried, frustrated - often we feel less than fully skilled. Thank you to those to whom we're able to look for encouragement and support.